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This is Cattain Niyu of the ZarrShip Enter Foraprize. If anyone gets this message, they will know that this is a grim day for Lieutenant Myeer and myself. Since we first crashed on this bizarre alien world, we have been becoming more and more certain that we shall never return to our home planet.
On a side note, I feel more and more each day somehow responsible for
the Lieutenant's severe nip habit and allowing her to pilot the
shuttlecraft, so it's becoming easier for me to forgive her.
wevecomealongway We have finally salvaged our survival manual, So, You've Crashed on a Bizarre Alien Planet?,though Myeer reports that she cannot find anything of use.
consultthemanual I'm also beginning to suspect that we
really aren't alone in this place, that we are being watched by beings
unseen. But I can only keep my eyes peeled for so long.
sittingsnooze Myeer promised me that she would keep watch for me near my lookout if I dozed off.
sosleepy I took her up on that deal.
suspendedcatimation Foolishly, I slipped off into a deep sleep. It couldn't be helped; surviving on an alien planet saps one's energy more than slammon farming.
rechargingenergyreserve Though I know we are being watched ourselves, I cannot seem to find
just what or where the watchers are. Every once in a while, though, I
find some sign of civilization. For example, not far from where our
shuttle has crashed is what appears to be a tapestry. Though I cannot make out what the image embroidered on it is meant to be (probably some hideous alien creature), as I've commented to
Myeer, climbing on the object to which it is affixed seems to be a good way to get high without being seen.
Myeer thought that was the best joke on this new planet.
climbingundercover I rephrased that; the tapestry is the perfect way to scale a wall under
cover - except for when the tapestry shifts out from over me. In any
case, I found that the top of the object makes a good place to keep watch - so I
named it the Watchtower.
beenfoundclimbing From that vantage point, I discovered a new species of fauna we call
'jribbles'. The one I spotted scuttling behind an oblivious Myeer was
an easy target and I alerted her to its presence.
I scaled back down the Watchtower and together we cornered it near the crash site.
cornerthetribble It was no problem to snuff the life from this alien, and as I was about
to see what its strange new innards were like, I noticed another one under a rock, paralyzed with fear. I killed it as well, remarking at how defenseless such creatures are, seeing as they have no limbs!
cannotescape While Myeer hungrily gorged away on the larger of the two jribbles - still having the munchies and all - I gave myself a congratulatory scratch on the back.
andnowforatribble As I ate my jribble savagely, I thought to myself; 'that's what we are! No longer Zarrship crew members, we are now savages in a new land!'
catsistastytothemselves I even washed the blood from my hands in an uncivilized fashion.
tastypaws After we were done devouring this easy new source of food, we stowed
our utility collars in the crashed shuttle and found a safe niche in
which to peacefully snooze, lest we ourselves become jribbles to some new terror.
foundatemporaryretreat But wait, there's more! Upon awakening, I found that I had some serious stomach cramps and quickly ran to the nearest source of loose soil. Note to self: No more jribbles! Myeer, strangely, seemed contented with her furry meal. Perhaps mine was a female full of poisonous eggs?
Something else was different, too. Finally, it hit me: The light now had an eerie, unnatural incandescent quality to it. Sensing that the watchers were now closer, I climbed the Watchtower. I saw nothing, though a strange feeling of playfulness had taken over me for no apparent reason.
I began chasing my tail and almost fell from the top!
chasetailonmattress What strange and malicious magic has possessed me on this planet, I
cannot say, but I seem to be progressively affected by Motion Blur
Sickness. What is it caused by, I can't tell, and even from the ground
Myeer was affected so badly that she exploded into her most violent
frenzy of Motion Blur Sickness to date.
I think she had been trying to tear apart some kind of odd plant and
lick her own chest at the same time. She has been simultaneously
playing and slobbering on herself, and frankly, it scares me.
blurringsickness The ante only upped from there: To my pale-nosed terror, a horrible,
greasy pink and brown head appeared below me, looking up with
frightening eyes rimmed with white.
greasyhumanoidbeast The face belonged to an enormous, ugly, foul-smelling alien giant,
which plucked me from my perch and felled the Watchtower with one
stroke. To my great surprise, the alien gingerly set me down upon the
ground once more, unscathed.
"Myeer!" I cried, looking around frantically for the Lieutenant. "Where are you?"
I heard her answer that she'd found a pillow.
mostwonderfulpillow To my horror, I saw Myeer resting on another alien giant - this one
bigger, uglier, pastier and more stinking than the first! The giant
itself was lying on the felled Watchtower, which I found was itself
cushion-like as I cautiously crept closer.
After realizing that the pink giant was unmoving and sluggish, even as
I approached its potentially vulnerable areas, I decided that it was
more a couch than a threat.
humanoidcouch Soon, the other giant joined us and in an instant, the sky was inexplicably and totally dark!
That was when we made our break and tore away through the landscape, evading further capture. Though we couldn't find a place to hide, the giants gave it up soon and fell asleep for
the night.
I continued to have stomach problems, and soon it seemed, all the aliens I'd eaten had almost been for naught! It was a long, hungry and thirsty night. The next day
broke gradually, and as it did, I lifted my head from where I had been resting and found that my skin had molded to the terrain. Now that's dehydrated!
Soon after, the giants stirred and righted the Watchtower, just as if nothing had disturbed it. The larger giant left altogether while the other lingered, I sensed, watching us from some distance.
No longer fearing for my life, I weakly climbed back up to the erected Watchtower and found myself possessed by the tail-chasing magic residing therein. Seeing as I was sick and queasy and would probably die in a few days, I went with it.
bedclimbing Myeer tried to join in my extreme romping, but ultimately discovered that she was not yet sober enough to climb after me.
givingupbedclimbing Nevertheless, she did seem to be possessed by the same urge as I was,
so she began chasing her tail on the furry mat of growths on the planet's surface. This came to an abrupt
end, however, when she stopped and began swatting behind a nearby rock.
Then, a surprised expression took over her face and she began screaming, "My tail! Cattain, help!"
"What's happened to it?" I asked.
Tail swishing violently behind her, she cried; "It went behind this rock!"
"Your tail is where you left it, Lieutenant!" I reminded her. "I assure you it's quite safe!"
Turning around to her wonder and relief, she found that it was. "I thought it had gotten away for good!" she said.
Maybe it was the newfound playfulness in me, but this remark of utter stupidity made me laugh for once. For the first time after the crash, my spirit had truly been lifted. All morning, in fact, despite my alarming loss of weight.
yeah After all, we survived the night on the alien planet. How many more can we live through? I just hope I live long enough to teach Myeer how to survive in this wilderness. Despite the fact that we could be back on Home Planet farming slammon if she wasn't such a 'nip head.
If anyone finds this transmission, it is my hope that it's soon as our futures are so uncertain. This is Cattain Niyu, signing out.